But some of my experiences on this site and in fact other sites have come across bad if not weird. For the sake of not attacking the admin of the site who is a good friend of mine I won't go into details but after everything really the thing I need right now is to vent. Which sounds like such a weird thing to have to write, it hurts me a bit to have to say something so stupid, I have to vent because of text. Text like this. Did I offend you right now? Nope read on...
The first person in this rant post I'll call "Person A" because I'm certain Person A is the type of person who looks up their name in google.com to find out if people are insulting them behind their back and if your reading Person A. It's not you, it's urm my friend from uh...Space University which is totally a real thing and not something made up.
If that just upset you then your most likely the person I'm talking about right now
We don't get along. Hey don't read me look that, I tried to make a point of getting along with you but through your crazy internet forum hi-jinks you've made it blatantly clear tha you + me = frowny face. Is it because I rip off 30 Rock jokes because if that's the problem I can totally stop right now! Oh who am I kidding I can't stop. It all started years ago back when Person A first joined this forum we'll call it for the purpose of this rant "FORUM A". We didn't share the same interest but we made an effort as I keep repeating to get along with each other but what was to follow has been the most annoying five years of my internet life. Person A you see has a habit of being paranoid, reclusive, obsessive, easily hurt and well just as a fellow geek once put it "Bat Crap Crazy", through out these five years Person A has almost accidentally stumbled onto a way to bully me by way of being bullied BY me.
Finding the right way to word things in a way that won't upset Person A is harder then walking into a landmine which if I had chosen to do instead would be a lot less worse because I wouldn't have to deal with admins and moderators telling me all the ways in which I am a horrible person. You know that tends to dig away at a person especially someone who was bullied themselves throughout the entirety of primary/secondary school. Is it really that hard Person A to just let something go? The sad part is I actually thought we were friends yet they somehow build up these complicated stories where I am a bad guy determined to hate them into suicide. I can talk all day about the bullshit I've had to put up with from Person A. I want to tell you, believe me I want to yell at you till you get angry enough to go onto Blogger and post about me being annoying. If you do just call me James Fallows, spread the word a little.
Lately though Person A crossed the line. I put up with five years of bullshit from you and now you are damn well going to listen to my side of the story. This has zero connection to the forum so ergo has fuck all to do with the forum. You complain NOBODY is going to listen because this is not the forum. You can be angry, you don't have to like what I'm about to say but don't sit there and tell me I'm a bully. I was bullied. I know that it tends to make you try and fend for yourself but I get that it's not an excuse to by a horrible person.
So here it is. I wanted to be your friend and damn it I have tried but you are just determined to think bad of me. I thought we were over this bullshit but you bring it back all the time, not in the every day all the time kind but any time I even say even a word you consider negative I'm back to being scum of the earth. You call me antisocial yet how many times have we been forced to deal with your "Nobody likes me: I'm Leaving" threads. There's only so many times you can make those till we start to think your just determined for attention, "Oh it's one of those again. Ah well, I guess we just wait the next three days for this to blow over" as for the next comment?
If you knew the amount of comments I've nearly made but deleted in case Person A didn't like it? I'm almost certain I could outright every person of human literacy ever including books that have since the beginning of time and now have been destroyed. Why? Because even as we come to the end of this five year run I still tried to respect you. I have been walking on eggshells since the moment you came to the forum, I had two good years of being with my friends online followed by The You Era. The era of watching what I say so much so that I don't end up upsetting you. It never works. NEVER.
Then there's this. THIS. The part that pissed me off so much. I could respect that you were upset well I'm going to call it Fake Upset. I don't even believe your really upset anymore "Seriously, sort your life out" SERIOUSLY. I should sort my life out? FUCK YOU! The kid shoes are off now. I am not going easy on you because you damn sure never went easy on me. Your an insecure whiny moron who finds fault in everything, you don't want to life your own life you just want the mindless reassurance from other people. You use words like "Troglodyte" because you need to make yourself like better then other people and your so insecure you turned a friend into an enemy. You get me into trouble constantly, once your determination to argue with me has even caused me to get banned. TWICE.
I am sick of having to put up with all your annoying habits while you mock me for the smallest things. Let me remind you of something...
"I feel nothing but regret for everything that I have done to you. I thought that you hated me... and that you had nothing nice to say about me but I have only just realized. There is no way you could hate me, correct? You were having jokes, and I was too blind to see them. You are a nice person, but my past fulled with hate would not let me see that, and it blinded me.
Accept my apology, and if you don't; then that shall be your decision"
Remember that? That was back when you attacked me over basically nothing. You just pulled something out of nothing and turned it into a reason to hate me. Do you remember my response? Despite being attacked by my friend after I'd only just come back from being banned you decided it'd be a good idea to start up another argument. I was walking on eggshells and you implied I was bullying you?!
But I decided to be the bigger person and forgive you because I knew it was something we could get past and...has it really been that long?! Have I been talking that long? I didn't notice honestly I didn't. But the major thing was that I forgave you for that. Now I'm taking that back. When you said you were sorry that was under the implication that the behavior would stop and it hasn't.
Your still the same person you were back then. Bringing me back to my previous statement of Internet Forums being weird. I didn't think this could ever happen on the internet but somehow it's happened to me. I don't know if I'm looking too far into things, maybe I am and other people will determine that I'm insane, the type of insane that really shouldn't be allowed on internet forums but for whatever reason. You are not forgiven Person A. Unless you learn to deal with things like the adult you are then we can never be friends. I refuse to treat another adult like a child and it's an insult to myself and the other forum-goers to have to treat you as such. Yes, people can be horrible and they can do horrible things but we were both bullied. I've had the same experiences as you. In conclusion I look forward to talking to you again when you can act like an adult and I'm sorry this had to happen. If your upset I understand, I said some things that were perhaps too much. The Final Message is that this isn't a hate rant or me trying to be horrible to you, this is an overspill of the last five years. Maybe you should take your own advice and just deal with it.
